SunshineLaughter

restlessness runs like a fever in my veins it rages in my body and makes me ill with the need to breathe something new i cannot see you for the stars in my eyes cannot feel you for the possibilities on my fingertips my gaze is wide and blue like the sky it will drop behind the horizon to travel all the world i am scattered in pieces all over the universe and lacing the galaxies here i do not need to breathe because i am the air and everything it feeds

i am sorry my heart is weak i'm sorry that some days you search in my blue eyes and yet you never find me i am sorry if it makes you feel lonely but you do not know the texture of my thorns or how i pray that they will not make you bleed as they shoot forth from under my skin i pray they will not cut you open like me you know god left my heart long ago but i still pray for you

your name is calling me home, pulling my bones to obey my blood sighs for you and my skin, my skin was not thick enough you got beneath; you dug yourself into my core and there you came to stay you bend my spine into shapes i thought it'd never take, bend my lips into a smile and glaze my eyes with tears i wasn't born prepared for this, i wasn't born for you

i saw the poison in your heart, dearest. there is evil in your blood and a sadness in your bones i know you don't cry with your eyes; your tears are in your chest and in your mouth and they come rolling forth from under your tounge, pouring out into your cramping hands i know you can't breathe from the ones that found their way down your lungs like those cigarettes you smoke, i know what it is like to choke on things you can no longer name i saw your heart and i saw myself in you

hard, wasting daylight falls like a fist on my features and beats down against your sleepless complexion in the dark you are a baby fox cradled by my chest, breathing the heat of every star you swallowed as you chased across the cieling of galaxies cut through illusions peel the skin off my dreaming bones until nothing remains but the blurred patterns of our sanctuary, etched on your fingertips we touch like nightfall, a soft pitterpatter of rain or a promise

this is why my mind splits like the ends of my hair it is because life is a cruel lover and i am a cheater i sleep with smoke and i'm in love with scars and blood and emptiness that crushes the air out of lungs i'm in love with chests torn open and guts spilling onto the floor and forgive me for i am in love with sickness the kind that only breathes in the ugliest corners of a heart i promised myself to life but i am in love with death and all his brothers

i'd throw up if i thought the words would come up along with the rest, you know i'd sleep if i thought i might escape and i would run if i thought i could ever hide but i can't close my heart to this, like i closed my eyes on the truth like you closed me in your nightmares you are in my blood, not like some feeling i cannot shake or like a disease, even though i have comapared you to both in the past no, you and i, we are of the same flesh and nowdays we are of the same ghosts i tried to run from once, but you caught up and you caught me do not tell me you're sorry, i am sorry for us both

i can make you all the promises in this world, but i will keep none of your secrets, i kiss alot and always tell, you know i will break everything, because breaking is all i know

i am under the sun sprawled out against the concrete reality it is pressed against my spine, pressed sharp into my skin it's a hollow ache between lungs inbetween breaths and yes, i am really that fucking empty self-hate will burn bones to dust and turn to dirt in my blood disgust like a fever i can't sweat out like an itch in my every nerve and nothing was ever as ugly