cheater

this is why my mind splits
like the ends of my hair
it is because life is a cruel lover
and i am a cheater

i sleep with smoke and i'm in love
with scars and blood
and emptiness
that crushes the air out of lungs

i'm in love with
chests torn open and
guts spilling
onto the floor and
forgive me
for i am in love with sickness
the kind that only breathes
in the ugliest corners of a heart

i promised myself to life
but i am in love
with death and all his brothers